Mich Mash

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We all need somebody to lean on…. September 27, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — mhassler @ 4:55 pm

Before I even begin, I would like to apologize if this post seems random or disjointed.  It is a rainy Monday, a slow day at work, and some random thoughts have been running through my head. 

Every day on the way to work, I become stalled at a traffic light outside of a church.  At this time, a support group has just left out, and the attendees congregate outside, smoking, and chatting.  A few people leave right away, but the majority of the group hang around.  It is interesting to look at the diversity within the crowd.  To me, this is proof that many commonalities exist among various ages, ethnicities, lifestyles, and personality-types.  It is encouraging to see these people exude the type of light that only comes from the satisfaction of feeling understood.  Not everyone has a support group to attend every day, but in my opinion support is a human need – whether or not one is giving or receiving.  Seeing this group of people who I assume are struggling with and conquering issues on a daily basis, look positive and genuinely engaged with each other makes me feel better about the world.  I continue to have faith in people and this faith is what gives me hope for the future and the fact that I am bringing a child into the world.

This building serves as a meeting place, and the people in this group (I assume) are not attending a religious function, I like to think that  people “get” the type of experience which some people go to church to attain.  I would not consider myself a deeply “religious” person. I am Christian and I believe in God.  However, I would like to note that I am open to all views and perspectives as there are far more commonalities among different religions, than there are differences. 

I believe that religious experiences or one’s “relationship with god” is a personal experience.  Maybe teaching the literary movement of transcendentalism has made me think more about this in recent years, but I believe strongly believe in the power of individuality.  I attempt to live by the morals which are so often outlined in the stories from the Bible.  However, I do not rely on rituals, nor do I believe that anyone can direct me on how to repent for my mistakes.  I think this is personal, and is received through thought and reflection.  With that said, I also believe that community is in fact a large part of the religious experience and I think that sharing and supporting, and the act of not judging are the traits which form a community of believers. 

Sorry for the religious tangent.  I am surprised that I actually mentioned the topic as I rarely write or speak about my spirituality.  I guess I just wanted to reinforce the human need for compassion, direction, or simply education that is so often obtained through interacting with others —  whether this is being done while sitting in a pew or on the couch in your friend’s basement. 

So whether your community of believers might be an AA meeting, a softball team, or a church congregation, it is important to engage with others.  At this time, I am not sure that I have a community of this kind and am unsure of where to look.  I do possess the urge to be part of something greater than myself but truly do not know how to satisfy this need. I guess I need to start a search.  Wish me luck.

 

Feeling a bit whiney. August 2, 2010

Filed under: Pregnancy,Uncategorized — mhassler @ 2:57 pm

Being 6 ½ months pregnant, I often find myself fantasizing about the future.  I picture myself holding my newborn baby girl, anxiously watching as she takes her first steps, and sitting down at night with a glass of Pinot Grigio.  Yes, I will admit, that sometimes it is difficult to abstain from alcohol. 

I never considered myself a big drinker.  True, I have had my cringe-worthy moments of excess in the past, but I never thought alcohol would be a hard thing to give up.  Two words make this commitment that much harder: Wedding Season.  Wedding season also coincides with margarita/deck bar season and not to mention watching my husband grill with a glass of wine in my hand season. 

Yes, it is possible to socialize without any alcohol in your bloodstream.  However, sometimes a cocktail adds a touch of atmosphere, comfort, or indulgence which automatically elevates the experiences.  Plus, it’s not enjoyable to always be the designated driver by default. 

I know that the sacrifice is worth it, and truthfully, I rarely complain. After experiencing a pregnancy loss last year, I feel blessed and lucky at the close of each passing day, week, and month. However, being at a birthday party this past weekend and seeing a frosty bucket filled with large bottles of vino made my mouth water a bit.  I also miss the experience of  frequenting our favorite wine bar with my husband, Kyle.  Oh well, in due time. 

 By the way, every time I feel my little girl move, I swear I could take a vow of sobriety for the rest of my life and be okay with it.  I’m just glad I don’t have to.

 

Smell the roses, and listen to a song July 28, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — mhassler @ 3:25 pm

Recently, I did something that I had not done in a long time.  I created a mix CD consisting of songs that I used to love.  In the past,  listening to music was a welcomed outlet, a way to escape, heal, and reflect.   I came to the sad realization that listening to music (truly listening) was a pastime in which I had not participated in a long time. 

The past two years of my life have felt like a whirlwind in many ways.  There were so many memorable and joyful occurances, but these events (both planned and unplanned) sometimes left me gasping for air, concentrating on the “here and now” and trudging through the to-do list, without taking time to doodle in the margins (excuse the bad metaphor).  

When I used to teach, one of the poetry projects my students could create was the called  “Soundtrack of My Life.”  They would choose songs that were meaningful to their lives to explore on a deeper level.  After analyzing the songs for poetic devices, they would focus on the theme and meaning of the song, and explain their personal connection to each piece.  Many students loved this assignment and as a result presented throughtful and in-depth portfolios of their favorite songs.  I truly believe it’s important to recognize something that pulls at your heart strings and take the time to identify why you were moved. 

Due to the hustle and bustle of everyday life, I had let some of the poetry escape from my life.  I’d like to make it clear that I live a very blessed life.  I know that every day of my life is filled with beauty, but it is also nice to reflect on those things that make you happy, as well as those that make you sad, or angry.  The important thing is that you are awknowledging and exploring  your feelings — good or bad. While listening to my favorite songs that I had grown to love throughout the years, and various stages of my adult life, I experience a catharsis.   By truly listening to the words, the tone, and making connections to my own life, I felt an immediate sense of joy.  This is one of the reasons that I decided to start this blog.  I would like to comment on things that are going on in my life whether they be serious, trivial, funny, or boring.  Quite simply, I want to express myself for my own reflection, as well as anyone who wants to stop by and take a look/read.  🙂

Thanks for stopping by – Michelle